Challenging Your Thinking
Posted: Sunday, November 23, 2008
by Linda Lee Leipply
Funwey LLC
Challenging your thinking!
My coach, Anna, has continued to invite me to challenge my thinking -- and along with that, the language I use to describe what I'm feeling or thinking.
Here's an example: it's not uncommon for me to use the expression "I've got 50 million things on my plate right now," or "I'm feeling under the gun". Like most women and care-givers, I feel like that several times a week. I try to juggle work, parenting, my physio programs, taking care of the house (laundry, shopping, cooking, etc.) and occasionally, some new thing will appear on the 'to-do' list and I'm instantly in overwhelm. Like my granddaughter announcing that she needs to have knitting needles and wool for class the next day (and it's 8:00 at night!) Or a friend losing her husband and our choir being asked to not only sing at the memorial, but prepare all the food for the tea.
But doing so means NOT doing something else. It means making the choice to forego one of the other priorities that I have.
And I quite often approach that decision with a pre-set viewpoint. It's that viewpoint that Anna has been asking me to revisit.
At first, I balked. " I can't do that," I would wail. Or "Yeah, but ..."
And I would feel even more frustrated. Because now, I not only have to figure out how to meet all my other obligations, I also have to find a way to squeeze in one more thing -- sleep less, get up earlier, buy granola bars instead of making them from scratch.
And then go to bed wondering if I'd made the right choice.
What I failed to look at, however, was the fact that I wasn't always making that decision from a place of power and joy.
What usually went by the wayside, was my opportunity to PLAY, or my movie night, or my time at the gym.
You see, what I was doing was putting myself and my needs at the bottom of the list -- and it showed up in my choices and in my language.
After I got over the initial resistance to her challenge, I realized that Anna was on to something.
What if the thing I chose to give up was not my PLAY, but my work? What if I told my boss that a friend had lost her husband and I needed to be there to support her? Wouldn't that be the more fulfilling thing to do? And couldn't I then still see to my own needs as well, and be better able to come to the memorial service (and my work) with a true sense of giving (instead of obligation)?
I had to sit with this one for a while. Old patterns of always putting my 'responsibilities to work' first really wanted to kick in.
Old voices kept insisting that it wouldn't hurt for me to give up my own needs for a week. Or that I could skip the gym just once.
But that would be coming from a place of not being truly worthy. And it would definitely not bring me joy.
I am committed to having more joy in my life -- it's what I teach others to do, and it's what I'm truly passionate about. I know that when I bring more joy into my own life, I bring more joy into the lives of everyone around me. So making decisions that would limit my ability to do that does NOT make any sense.
I'm glad Anna challenged me to reconsider my thinking in this area. And I'm going to look for other ways to remove that kind of language from my vocabulary.
Being under the gun feels very much like a victim; I don't want to feel or act like someone else holds the power over my choices and over my time; so instead of "being under the gun", I'm thinking something like "I have an opportunity to nurture a friend this week, and it feels really good to be able to say 'yes'".
What do you think?
We'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas -- especially if you've dealt with the same kind of thinking. If you're looking to challenge your past viewpoints, let us know. Maybe we can help.
The coaches at Fun-Wey are committed to helping you bring more balance into your life, to learn to wrap yourself around with joy and play, to indulge in the guilty pleasures without the guilt.
Contact us if you'd like to chat about how YOU are challenging your past perspectives.
You can reach us by phone at 888-401-8884, by e-mail at: fun-wey@shaw.ca, or by visiting our blog at http://www.fun-wey.com/lifecoachblog
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